ANBU Days
by Kaist
Summary: In which ANBU is horribly outclassed by a twelve-year-old boy. [oneshot-that-isn't-really-a-proper-oneshot; gen]


**;this is pretty much bantha poodoo, but I figured that someone might get a kick out of it. Also, do tell me what you think is going on in the story- because things are certainly not as they seem. Iruka's age is also deliberate- I do know his canon-given backstory, but it seems I bent it for my own purposes.**

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><p>"Gotta be faster then that, ANBU-chan!"<p>

The loud, obnoxious voice of a blond-haired boy rang out through a crowded market street of Konoha, causing a few heads to turn and glare. But the boy gave no heed to the glares of the populace. He ducked under a passing cart and veered sharply into an alley just out of sight, jumping over the ninja wire he'd placed before squeezing through two buildings.

The ANBU tripped over the near-invisible wire, landing face first in a puddle of... _something... _that smelled worse then the entire Inuzuka compound on a rainy day. Naruto smirked at the ANBU, flashing the poor man a peace sign, and seemingly blended into the shadows with a disappointed sigh. It was really _quite _a feat when you were dressed in a glaring, day-glow orange jumpsuit.

He didn't have much time to play with the ANBU team, however, and his eyes gleamed in a way that would've made the collective forces of ANBU whimper (except one Uchiha Itachi, who would get a similar look at the sound) if they'd caught sight of it. Today was the day he'd finish his... _improvements _on the traps and seals around his home.

At first, there had been protections set up by the Third Hokage- or so Naruto assumed- to protect a five-year-old Naruto from drunk and angry villagers, but one day he'd discovered a Fuuinjutsu scroll in the library that he could barely read and the intricate designs of the example pictures had intrigued him. He'd taken it to the Hokage, who got him set up with a starter fuuinjutsu kit when he realized that Naruto was really, truly _interested _in something besides becoming Hokage.

It took countless failed attempts, half blowing himself up, and attracting the attention of Uchiha Itachi and his younger brother Uchiha Sasuke to create his first explosion tag, but in the end he'd done it and earned himself one loyal big brother figure/close friend and one (by all appearances) unwilling friend in the process. He'd even stopped the Uchiha from a potential massacre by accidentally sticking the crazy guy in the orange mask with that explosion tag!

Man, seeing the head of the stuck-up Uchiha clan (Naruto had privately dubbed him "Fish-face", which sounded remarkably similar to the dignified man's real name, something like "Fuguku". Sasuke had made a noise like he was dying when he heard it) bow to him and say "We are indebted to you, Naruto-kun," had been great. He took a moment to bask in the memory before being sharply brought back to earth by being hit on top of the head. Instinctively he jumped back, holding his head, and glared halfheartedly at the offender.

And promptly switched tactics once he realized that this particular offender was a _repeat _offender. "Owwww! Sasuke-teme, what'd ya have to do that for?! I was re-living one of my most cherished memories!" Only three memories ranked higher then that particular one did, in fact.

Sasuke-teme visibly held himself back from snarling. As it were, he restrained his furious glare to _spewing death._ "Dobe, I think you forgot to do something when you set up those security seals yesterday." Only then did Naruto take note of Sasuke's appearance- it was undeniably _scruffy. _The usually impeccable-looking Uchiha Sasuke looked as if he had been attacked rather aggressively by a tree during an honest-to-goodness Konohan thunderstorm and dipped headfirst in eight gallons of sticky, sweet syrup.

If Naruto was a wise young man, he would have ventured to look appropriately sympathetic and sorrowful for his friend's plight.

But this was _Naruto._

He grinned delightedly. "So that seal does work! Y'know, I thought that maybe it would malfunction somehow and accidentally turn into acid, but since you're not all burned up it looks like it was a success!" He looked somewhat thoughtful, not noticing Sasuke's steadily increasing glare- it was now reaching levels that promised _fiery death in the lowest circles of hell_. "Maybe I should work on that, 'ttebayo, it'd be bad if civilians got caught in it and somethin' went wrong... Nah." Finally, he tilted his head to the right, studying Sasuke in a worried manner as if he had just noticed the other boy's rage. "Hey, Sasuke-teme, you alright?"

That was it. Sasuke's eye twitched. "_Naruto." _

"Eep!"

"You have _five seconds _to make yourself _absolutely invisible _or else I will find you and do something much, much worse to you then your worst pranks against the ANBU." His eyes seemed to be shifting colors slowly and they stared unflinchingly at Naruto, completely devoid of all warmth the color red was supposed to embody. They promised more then death- they promised _utter, soul-sucking despair._

Naruto yelped, blanched, and took off like a rocket. "I'm gone!"

The smile and cackle that Sasuke gave as he chased after the Jinchuuriki could not have been described as anything other than crazy.

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><p>On the couch inside Naruto's apartment from where they'd seen the entire exchange take place, Haruno Sakura smiled wryly. "Same old, same old." These sorts of things had happened since they were seven years old, and it was no longer alarming to any of the occupants of the room to see the normally somewhat impassive Sasuke tear after his teammate like an enraged lion.<p>

Uchiha Itachi, sitting next to her, inclined his head in quiet agreement. Naruto seemed to evoke a negative emotional response as easily as he breathed from Sasuke, and it infuriated his little brother to no end. Hyuuga Hinata simply chuckled before she took a sip of her tea.

The rather odd trio bore the silence with contented ease. None of them were like the admittedly hyperactive Naruto; they rather enjoyed each other's company even when words were not spoken. Many an afternoon had been spent like this in quiet contemplation, Sakura occasionally studying medical books, Itachi a great many varied subjects, and Hinata tending to the tea whenever needed.

If Naruto was at home, sometimes he would join them- he was surprisingly content to not speak. Other times he'd tend to his plants, but if Sasuke was there as well (a rare occurrence, surprisingly) then the place would be loud, with crashes, screams and painful-sounding yells resonating from the apartment. The two had the most bizarre friendship/rivalry even Itachi had ever seen.

"H-how long do you think it'll take Sasuke-san to figure out that the Naruto-kun he's chasing is a shadow clone?" Hinata suddenly asked, not quite yet able to shake off the stutter she'd developed in her twelve-year-old body.

"He already knows," Itachi replied with calm certainty. "He is merely waiting for Naruto to let his guard down. When he finds the location of the original, then he will strike."

Sakura smirked then, recalling a certain incident with fond, vindictive glee. Her two idiots of teammates had often gotten themselves into ridiculous, improbable and everlastingly embarrassing situations, and she and Kakashi-sensei recalled those times with much happiness whenever they needed to remind themselves of why there was any hope for life. "Remember that time with Naruto's hang glider, the Naka River, and those barrels?"

_That _got what counted as a full-blown smile from Itachi (the slightest twitch of the mouth) and Hinata covering her mouth helplessly as her shoulders shook with laughter. "It- it was truly a d-demonstration of Sasuke-kun's abilities!"

"Yo," Kakashi said, appearing suddenly in the middle of the apartment. "Sasuke find all of Naruto's clones yet?"

Itachi shook his head. "His record for finding the original Naruto is twenty-five minutes and forty seconds." That was only exceeded by Iruka, who currently held the title of "Fastest Capture of an Uzumaki" at ten minutes and seven seconds. And that had been when he himself was a child prankster, warring against the Bloody Red Habanero herself. His Naruto record averaged out to about seventeen minutes.

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><p>In the Hokage Tower, the Sandaime shook his head in amusement as Naruto hid under his desk, but said nothing and continued on with his paperwork. It seemed that yet again the young blond-haired boy had gotten himself into trouble with his teammate. With fondness, he recalled the days when he had done similar things to Shimura Danzo.<p>

It really was quite fun to watch Naruto bait Sasuke. Especially when he knew that the Naruto here with him was a clone- in fact, Sasuke had encountered three of the clones already, and told them in increasing detail each time they "accidentally" ran into him just what he was going to do to their boss before he stabbed them in the face with a kunai.

Sasuke had quite the vivid imagination when it came to assassination. Sarutobi found himself surprised and slightly impressed by some of the ideas the young Uchiha was spelling out to his terrified teammate- if they'd used_ that _method of interrogation on Iwa shinobi during the Third Shinobi War, they probably would've won much quicker. He made a mental note to introduce Sasuke to Anko and Ibiki.

...On second thought, perhaps not. Uchiha Mikoto had been a _very _skilled interrogation specialist during the war, and had engineered much of the intelligence effort. He shuddered slightly at the thought of Mikoto in full interrogation mode- Ibiki didn't hold a torch to Mikoto's capabilities, especially when not combined with Yamanaka Inoichi's mindwalking ability. The only reason the jounin woman had retired was because of Itachi, stating her wish to give her five-year-old child some semblance of a normal childhood and prevent the Uchiha clan elders turning him into a emotionless weapon before his seventh birthday.

And she had been best friends with Uzumaki Kushina. That alone made her a formidable force- the last nin of the proud Uzushiogakure, the Bloody Red Habanero who came from a proud, ancient legacy of loyalty, absolute iron determination and will, Jinchuuriki to the Kyuubi, had chosen to befriend the small, lonely looking Uchiha child their very first day in the Ninja Academy.

It had been Mikoto who introduced Kushina and Minato to Ichiraku's Ramen, in fact, a decision that she would come to rue for a long, long time, as it had sparked the couple's _obsession _with ramen which had apparently carried over to their son. Iruka had quietly bemoaned his empty wallet after many a night out with Naruto to Ichiraku's.

Sarutobi had no doubt that Mikoto would do something _highly unpleasant _to him if she found out that he'd introduced her second son to the T&I Department heads without her knowledge.

Turning back to his paperwork and scanning it carefully, he hid his smile when he heard Sasuke at the door. The Uchihas may not have realized it, but Sasuke had the potential to surpass all of them- even Itachi- for he was the only other being in all of Konohagakure besides Umino Iruka who could find Naruto when he did not want to be found. It was much like Mikoto's own internal Kushina-sensor, which had the unfortunate effect of blaring up whenever Naruto passed by the Uchiha matron in the streets or in the Uchiha compound, where he was welcomed as one of the Head's family.

She would simply smile wryly at Fugaku and wish their old friends could see the child now. He had elements of both parents in him- a knuckle-headed prankster with a prodigious knack for fuuinjutsu, which made his pranks more torturous for the ANBU assigned to watch him. It didn't help that her very own sons had sworn a solemn oath to the child to assist him in any way possible, which unfortunately included pranks. Those pranks had become legendary in Konoha; they were matched only by his mother's in scale and effectiveness.

Kushina would be so proud. Minato would be proud too, after he got over the abject horror and morbid fascination at the situations his son got into.

Sarutobi sighed, rubbing his forehead. Another D-Ranked mission. It was yet another request from the Fire Damiyo's wife to find that accursed cat Tora, and Sarutobi was only too glad to approve it. He remembered that cat from _his _Genin days- he had a high suspicion it was immortal. With a grace only gained from many long years of practice, he regarded the Uchiha boy who'd barged into the Hokage's office solemnly. "Ah, Sasuke. What may I do for you?"

Sasuke scowled and muttered something unpleasant under his breath before facing the Hokage. "Hokage-sama, have you encountered Uzumaki Naruto any time within the past thirty minutes?"

Fighting down a smile, the Sandaime sat back down and shook his head at Sasuke. "I'm afraid not. Have you looked around the Hokage Mountain? If I recall correctly, that's one of Naruto's favorite places."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama." Sasuke bowed briefly and took off through the window. Sarutobi sighed as Naruto's clone looked at him accusingly and dispersed itself. Why did they never use the door?

* * *

><p>Sitting against the Yondaime's hair spikes, Naruto breathed a careful sigh of relief. Today he seemed to have shaken Sasuke off, and what a mood the Uchiha was in! A thought occurred to him, and he pouted.<p>

It wasn't exactly _his _fault, now was it? As soon as he'd finished adding Hinata's signature into the safeguards that permitted friends to walk the corridor of traps unharmed, he'd fallen asleep. Sasuke was really taking this far too personally-

_"Naruto Uzumaki," _came an enraged hiss from behind him, and Naruto saw Sasuke bent over, hands on knees, breathing heavily in an attempt to catch his breath. His eyes widened with terror at the dark note in his best friend's tone and he quickly released the storage scroll that held his hang glider, grabbing hold of it and jumping off the side of the mountain. His grip on it slipped and he clung desperately to the bar. Sasuke's shout then was one of wordless anger, and Naruto winced.

He was in for a lot of pain... at least, he was once he was outside the relative safety of the air.

Thunder rumbled in the distance. Naruto looked up to see stormclouds converging, and swore a long string of epithets as lightning sparked ominously above him.

_Doomed._


End file.
